5 Real Life Love Stories That Teach Teens about Godly Romance
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Relationships can be about any or all of these. Attraction is the "chemistry" part of love. It's all about the physical — even sexual — interest that two people have in each other. Relationships that are based on attraction alone are usually more about fun and infatuation than real love. Stereotypes Aren't Always True Conventional wisdom says that, for guys in their early teens, relationships are mainly about physical attraction. Our survey showed that this "conventional wisdom" doesn't mean all guys fall into this mold.
First, we saw that it's not just younger guys who go mainly for the way someone looks or their physical attributes: We had a few older guys say they were most interested in looks. And most of the year-old guys in our survey say they appreciate a person's inner qualities, like kindness and intelligence.
For example, Marley, 13, said the reason he loves his GF is a combination of her inner and outer qualities: I get lost in them. Regardless of what people say about her, she's beautiful in my eyes. As with guys, looks can also catch a girl's attention.
But when it comes to being attracted to someone, girls typically emphasize the importance of character. Many girls in our survey felt like Jovin, 17, who told us, "The first impression is his look.
If he's really nice then I might end up having a crush on him. But if he's a jerk then I probably won't like him. I hate the guys that just want to 'hit it and quit it' or want a girl with all the looks and clothes even though she might not be the nicest person. Like Brittany, 15, who told us, "When he kissed me it sent butterflies through my body like crazy. Robbie, 13, confessed, "I blushed when I saw her.
I didn't know what to say. A new couple might have fun together and enjoy the process of getting to know each other better. Some relationships don't last beyond that phase, but other relationships deepen into love. After a while, many people want to feel more connected to the person they're with. Like Lexie, 13, who said, "When you have a crush you are afraid to talk to them and you have butterflies, and when you are in love you can talk about anything with them and feel comfortable.
The connection between them deepens to include qualities like trust, respect, and honesty. More Than a Crush Caroline, 15, told us when she knew her relationship had grown into more than just a crush: But love is like to trust, care, worry, and know each other better than anyone else.
I'm totally in love with my boyfriend.
Your Thoughts on Falling in Love (for Teens)
We just have this amazing connection between each other, we're able to talk about whatever with each other. But you know it's love when he sticks by your side when you get into a car accident, or even when your hair isn't done, or when your clothes don't match. This is something that experts call consensual validation. It means that we seek out people who mirror who we are as a way of reaffirming our values, beliefs, actions, and opinions. For some people dating is even a status thing.
It can almost seem like another version of cliques: The pressure to go out with the "right" person in the "right" group can make dating a lot less fun than it should be — and not so much about love! In our late teens, though, relationships are less about going out to have fun and fitting in.
Closeness, sharing, and confiding become more important to both guys and girls. By the time they reach their twenties, most girls and guys value support, closeness, and communication, as well as passion. This is the time when people start thinking about finding someone they can commit to in the long run — a love that will last. What Makes a Good Relationship? When people first experience falling in love, it often starts as attraction. Sexual feelings can also be a part of this attraction.
People at this stage might daydream about a crush or a new BF or GF. They may doodle the person's name or think of their special someone while a particular song is playing. It sure feels like love. But it's not love yet. It hasn't had time to grow into emotional closeness that's needed for love.
Because feelings of attraction and sexual interest are new, and they're directed at a person we want a relationship with, it's not surprising we confuse attraction with love.
It's all so intense, exciting, and hard to sort out. The crazy intensity of the passion and attraction phase fades a bit after a while.
Love and Romance
Like putting all our energy into winning a race, this kind of passion is exhilarating but far too extreme to keep going forever. If a relationship is destined to last, this is where closeness enters the picture.
The early passionate intensity may fade, but a deep affectionate attachment takes its place. Some of the ways people grow close are: Learning to give and receive. A healthy relationship is about both people, not how much one person can get from or give to the other.
A supportive, caring relationship allows people to reveal details about themselves — their likes and dislikes, dreams and worries, proud moments, disappointments, fears, and weaknesses. When two people care, they offer support when the other person is feeling vulnerable or afraid. They don't put down or insult their partner, even when they disagree. Giving, receiving, revealing, and supporting is a back-and-forth process: One person shares a detail, then the other person shares something, then the first person feels safe enough to share a little more.
In this way, the relationship gradually builds into a place of openness, trust, and support where each partner knows that the other will be there when times are tough. Both feel liked and accepted for who they are. In healthy, long-term relationships, couples often find that intense passion comes and goes at different times. But the closeness is always there.
Sometimes, though, a couple loses the closeness. For adults, relationships can sometimes turn into what experts call "empty love. This is not usually a problem for teens, but there are other reasons why relationships end. Why Do Relationships End? It needs to be cared for and nurtured if it is to last through time.
Just like friendships, relationships can fail if they are not given enough time and attention. This is one reason why some couples might not last — perhaps someone is so busy with school, extracurriculars, and work that he or she has less time for a relationship.
Or maybe a relationship ends when people graduate and go to separate colleges or take different career paths. For some teens, a couple may grow apart because the things that are important to them change as they mature.
Or maybe each person wants different things out of the relationship. Sometimes both people realize the relationship has reached its end; sometimes one person feels this way when the other does not. Moving On Losing love can be painful for anyone. But if it's your first real love and the relationship ends before you want it to, feelings of loss can seem overwhelming. Like the feelings of passion early in the relationship, the newness and rawness of grief and loss can be intense — and devastating.
There's a reason why they call it a broken heart. When a relationship ends, people really need support. Losing a first love isn't something we've been emotionally prepared to cope with.
Your Thoughts on Falling in Love
It can help to have close friends and family members to lean on. Unfortunately, lots of people — often adults — expect younger people to bounce back and "just get over it. It seems hard to believe when you're brokenhearted that you can ever feel better.
But gradually these feelings grow less intense. Eventually, people move on to other relationships and experiences. Relationships — whether they last 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, or a lifetime — are all opportunities to experience love on its many different levels.
We learn both how to love and how to be loved in return.