Relationship arguing about money

6 Common Money Arguments Between Couples and How to Deal With Them

relationship arguing about money

Do you ever feel like money is a problem in your relationship? If so, you're not alone. Lots of us find money a tricky topic to talk about openly with our partners. From separate bank accounts to 'money letters', seven ways to make sure money doesn't cause tension in your relationship. Compared to other touchy topics, couples' arguments about money tend to be more intense, more But money doesn't have to be a wedge in your relationship.

Keep in mind that your retirement accounts are separate, meaning you can each invest in your own accounts however you deem best. That means if your partner likes to play it safe, lower-risk retirement vehicles such as bonds might be ideal.

relationship arguing about money

You need to be more diplomatic when it comes to a joint non-retirement investment account, since it is held by both of you. Additionally, one partner can feel inclined to have more of a say over what happens to the money if there is a big difference in income. Be Equitable Even if there is a large gap between the amounts both partners earn, you can still work together to create a balanced and fair budget.

Instead of dividing your joint expenses in half, split them up so that each person pays an equal portion of income. Each person should also have a say when it comes to decisions that affect the home. The partner who works outside of the home might not contribute as much to the housework as the stay-at-home parent or spouse, or the higher earning partner might do fewer chores than the lower earner. Divide Responsibilities In some cases, a partner who earns less might take on more responsibilities at home to try to close the gap between incomes.

relationship arguing about money

Instead of having the lower-earning partner shoulder all responsibilities, work together to divide up chores based on schedules and time. If the partner who works outside of the home has to go to bed early, you can take on the responsibility of finishing dinner clean-up and making sure everyone is set up for the next day.

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Who Controls What Having one person handle the budgeting and bill paying can make sense. Have a Talk As with other common arguments, having an open and honest talk can help people realize they may be too controlling over money. It can also help folks work together to get to the source of the issue and come up with a solution to the problem.

Your partner can take the reins one month and make sure the bills are paid and that your disposable income is allocated properly.

How Couples Can Stop Fighting About Money

You can take charge the next month, paying the bills and keeping the budget balanced. Another option is to switch who regularly oversees what. Your partner might keep an eye on savings one quarter while you handle the day-to-day expenses and bills. No wonder couples often fight over whether to have kids and what to do about them once they arrive.

6 Common Money Arguments Between Couples and How to Deal With Them

You and your partner should agree on how much to budget for a child or children and how long to provide support to your kids. Develop a Plan Before you have children or decide to have one set of parents move in, sit down together and devise a plan for future expenses.

Enlisting the help of a financial planner is a good idea. The planner can examine your current financial situation and make recommendations for college saving plans and other savings accounts, based on what you might need in the future. Past, Current, or Future Debt How much debt each of you brings into a relationship, as well as your attitudes toward tackling it, can be a source of strife. Instead of fighting about debt, you want to be upfront and honest about your attitudes and your actual debt burden, and devise a plan to help you both reduce or eliminate your debts.

4 Reasons Why Couples Argue About Money | My Money Coach

In fact, any debts you bring into a relationship remain your sole responsibility, even after you get married. After all, coming up with a joint plan to reduce debt can help you work together to achieve other financial goals, such as qualifying for a mortgage together and purchasing a home.

Come up with a debt payment strategy together. You can decide to tackle any consumer debt first, putting a significant portion of your income toward credit card debt. If one of you has more debt than the other, try not to resent that person. The important thing is that you are both working together now to pay off the debt so that you can move forward with your financial lives. Everyone has a past — the way-back past to when they were a child growing up, as well as the more recent, adult past.

In some households, money was tight, so as an adult, someone may try to take steps to avoid the consequences of not having enough money. For other families, having enough money was never the issue; so as an adult, learning how to make wise choices is important.

And when they do, it can bring out the worst in some. People typically communicate in certain ways: Passive Communicators Some people are quite passive and avoid expressing their thoughts and feelings. By not asserting themselves, they often feel resentful, anxious or even hopeless.

When it comes to money, someone else might then make the decisions about spending, saving and taking on debt for them, making them feel like they have no say or no control.

These types of aggressive communicators can be seen as taking over. They are often uncertain but try to dominate conversations to compensate. A lack of trust in a relationship can bring out the worst in people, making someone think that their partner is being sneaky.

relationship arguing about money

Revenge spending or financial infidelity are ways people sneak around with money. Assertive Communicators Assertive communicators share their thoughts and feelings respectfully. They are up front and honest without putting someone else down. They also know how to listen and reflect on what they are hearing from the other person.